I learnt the song that expresses my hope for your future.
It is full of promises –
No more weeping,
No more hurt or pain –
‘You hold me now’ is the heartfelt refrain.
I weep as I practice releasing these words,
Wishing that you had heard my cries,
Known my heartache,
As I brought you forth,
Tiny, remarkably formed,
Yet already dead,
Unable to be warmed by my arms,
Or nursed at my breast.
Your tiny hands,
Too small even to have clutched at my finger.
I lingered as long as I dared,
Already aware that this body held no soul,
Death is cruel.
Your funeral day,
Filled with family you’ll never know on this earth,
A birth without future night feeds
Or nappies, no happy smiles,
Or giggles for your siblings,
No kisses for your hurts,
Just a tiny bed,
Tucking you in with a handful of dirt.
A beautiful day,
Glorious blue sky,
Crisp and fresh,
Wisps of clouds drift by on a breeze
Which bites my face, numbs my hands.
We stand and speak words of life,
Witnessing to the truth of hope,
Amid the grief,
And I sing you those words of lullaby.
No hurt or pain.’
He holds you now.
I wish I could too.